OMG: Does this mean my mother was right along … and men really do have such fragile egos that we (independent and intelligent women) need to still play up to them?
Or is this just Cosmo being Cosmo …
The article tackles that age old question that no one, no matter how old, ever seems to have a straight answer to — “I know he likes me, but how do I make him love me?” Well, here’s one take on it…
“Boiled down, guys have four primal relationship desires that are sometimes sated by the tiniest of dating moves by you,” so says Cosmo in their article “Dating Secret: What Makes Men Fall in Love.” Those desires are broken down into: protect, shine, comfort, and be free.
So what’s new about that? Generalizations are easy, but here are their few concrete examples on what to do to gain each of those elusive desires … or you can read the entire article for yourself here.
1: The Desire: TO PROTECT — Basically, men want to feel like you need them, so Cosmo gives four ways you can make him feel like a stud and help you out (without acting helpless).
“Give him a job. Ask him to fix or build you something. Performing concrete tasks is a way of bonding that enhances his sense of success.
Ask his opinion. Whether it’s about your 401(k) options or the best travel sites, it telegraphs that you value his brain as much as you do his brawn.
Wear soft materials. Delicate textures like rayon, silk, and faux fur trigger an intense response in single men. These fabrics accentuate your softer, feminine nature, which heightens his amorous instincts.
Don his clothes. It shows that you’ve chosen him over other guys.”
2. The Desire: TO SHINE –– You should also make sure you throw in a few confidence-boosters here and there. We all like to feel like we’re special. A few suggested ways to make him feel one-of-a-kind:
“Make him happier. Laugh when one of you loses balance during an intimate moment. Go to stupid movies. Drag him out when he’s crabby. If you can keep things light, even during stressful times, you’ll become indispensable.
Be a social butterfly. Guys are good at left-brain stuff, like sales and sports, but can get awkward when it comes to social graces. Take the lead and charm the people you meet and he’ll be extra grateful to have you. But he may take credit for making those new friends… whatever.
Play mind games. Activities that require mental prowess — like Scrabble, puzzles, and chess — can prod his passion. It sounds nuts, but proof of your problem-solving abilities subconsciously shows him you’re a desirable choice for carrying on his genes.
Act like the grand prize. Seeing you through other people’s eyes reminds him how special you are. Invite him to an event where you’ll excel (whether it’s karaoke or a fun run), or have him stand between you and another man you think is getting too close at a bar.”
3. The Desire: COMFORT — Make him feel more comfortable with you and he’ll be more comfortable falling for you.
“Let him see you primp. Grooming in front of him enhances intimacy because it’s something other guys don’t get to witness. Just keep it goddesslike (applying lipstick or powder), not gross (bleaching your moustache).
Cook together. Being around food spikes oxytocin levels in males. The more often you prep dinner a deux, the more he’ll associate you with the good feelings he gets from eating it.
Stock your pad. When buying groceries you don’t have a preference on, get a brand he uses. He’ll subconsciously feel at home at your place. Catnap near him or let yourself doze off in his arms so he sees you in your most trusting, completely relaxed state.”
4. The Desire: FREEDOM — No man likes to feel tied down. To let him know he won’t have to change with a change in your status, try the following tricks:
“Blow him off. Single men hate the idea of being tied down socially, so turn down occasional plans. He’ll not only feel easier — and open up more — around you, but he’ll also start to wonder what you’re doing and pursue you more.
Share your own fears. Guys often hold back because they think most chicks are baby-hungry ring-hunters. So if you feel nervous about committing, let him know. He’ll be reassured that you’re navigating new waters too, not trying to trap him.
Reinvent yourself. Little changes in your appearance now and then — say, hair up in a ponytail one day, down the next, etc. — remind him that you’ve got zillions of facets to your personality too. Read: no rut risks.
Respect his privacy. A physical space that’s totally his is a huge symbol of independence to a man. Signal that you respect that by, say, staying out of desk drawers and not peeking at his caller ID when his phone rings.”
